Notes from Underground by Fydor Dostoyevsky

Notes from Underground by FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY

(IPhone 으로 읽음)

photo by Mark Evan Thomas

Dostoyevsky 가 몇살일때 이 글을 썼는지 모르지만..전체적인 느낌은 " 그가 젊다 " 였습니다.

왠지 모르게 젊은 , 그리고 생각이 많은 , 유난히 많은 , intellectual 한 사람을 연상시키는 글입니다.

어릴적 (국민학교때 = 초등학교때) 한국에서 한국어로 번역된 도스토엡스키가 쓴 소설들이

"꼭 읽어야 할 고전"이라서 "권장도서"라서 읽었었는데... ( 별로 이해하지 못하면서도 그의 두꺼운 소설들을 몇권 읽었던 기억이 납니다.

그때는 무척 어둡고 무겁다..라는 느낌을 받았건만)

영어로 접하는 Dostoyevsky 는 느낌이 사뭇 다른데요. 아님 제 나이가 ?

이 소설속에는 어떤때는 왜 이사람이 이토록 신경질적일까 ? 이해가 안되는 히스테리를 부리는 한 남자의 고백과 독백이 있는데요.

가끔은 깊이 공감하게 됩니다.

다음 부분은 특별히!  :

" ..... I did not know how to
become anything; neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest
man, neither a hero nor an insect. 

Now, I am living out my life in my
corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and useless consolation that an
intelligent man cannot become anything seriously, and it is only the fool
who becomes anything.  "

''And why are you so firmly, so triumphantly, convinced that only the

normal and the positive--in other words, only what is conducive to
welfare--is for the advantage of man?  Is not reason in error as regards
advantage?  

Does not man, perhaps, love something besides well-being?
Perhaps he is just as fond of suffering?  Perhaps suffering is just as great a
benefit to him as well-being?  Man is sometimes extraordinarily, passionately,
in love with suffering, and that is a fact.  

There is no need to appeal
to universal history to prove that; only ask yourself, if you are a man and
have lived at all.  As far as my personal opinion is concerned, to care only
for well-being seems to me positively ill-bred.  Whether it's good or bad, it
is sometimes very pleasant, too, to smash things.  I hold no brief for
suffering nor for well-being either. 

 I am standing for ... my caprice, and
for its being guaranteed to me when necessary.  Suffering would be out of
place in vaudevilles, for instance; I know that.  In the "Palace of Crystal" it
is unthinkable; suffering means doubt, negation, and what would be the
good of a "palace of crystal" if there could be any doubt about it?  And yet
I think man will never renounce real suffering, that is, destruction and
chaos.  

Why, suffering is the sole origin of consciousness.  Though I did
lay it down at the beginning that consciousness is the greatest misfortune
for man, yet I know man prizes it and would not give it up for any
satisfaction.  Consciousness, for instance, is infinitely superior to twice
two makes four.  once you have mathematical certainty there is nothing
left to do or to understand.  There will be nothing left but to bottle up your
five senses and plunge into contemplation.  While if you stick to
consciousness, even though the same result is attained, you can at least flog
yourself at times, and that will, at any rate, liven you up.  Reactionary as it
is, corporal punishment is better than nothing."

e-book site 소개합니다: http://www.ccel.org/d/dostoevsky/underground/underground11.txt

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